Master Trainer Fireside Chat on Goal Setting & Myth of NLP

As someone who has developed allot of expertise not just in NLP but with manifestion can you share with us what are the common mistakes people make in goal setting?

BRIAN:
Most people don't want the goal that they are chasing, that's the biggest one. They think it is something that they want. And afterwards once they set it up and decide to go after it they realise half the way down the line that they are not motivated, because it is not really what they want, so they haven't thought it through.

A typical one for example is people saying, "I want to have a career in NLP" because it sounds like a really good idea to go for, when in actual fact what they really want is to get away from where they are. So they tend to put a goal as a solution without thinking it through. In reality they need to think where they are, what they are dong and where they want to move from. There biggest problem is they are moving away from a problem rather than toward a goal, and they view the goal as the thing that they want.

The second biggest mistake would be the belief system around it. They set a goal but they don't have the belief system around it to believe they can achieve it. If you set a goal, say that you want to be the best therapist in Britain or Ireland.. for example they get hyped up about it. But as soon as they get feedback of a negative impact it hits their belief system and that tunnels them into a negative spiral, a depressive spiral, for want of a better word and all that does is seek to re-affirm what they doubted first.

There is a culture in America where they put confidence first over competence, obviously this isn't everywhere in America, but in certain situations they go after the "Ra Ra" culture. And alot of people go after that approach when they set a goal and because that runs a good feeling they chase it. But when they hit the reality of things, it floors them. Because underneath that Ra Ra feeling is fear, the real competence is not there. And when the competence is not there the confidence is not there and that then causes them problems.

Tom: Fascinating.

What is it that makes you feel good more often and more of the time. What is it you need to be doing or achieving or having or completing to be feeling good more often of the time. That's is feeling good about your self and your life. And literally all their goals, and this goes right down into their values which is what matters most to them .. and in doing so will give them the life force the motivation and the direction to achieve whatever manifests from that.

Let me make that very basic .. so we've got someone who says "I've decided I want to be a coach and I want to be are a really good coach but I'm not sure how to do that .. how do I do that?"

Brian: What makes you be at your best?
Client: "ah, what do you mean .. I don't know"
Brian: What is that makes you feel good most often?
Client: We'll really what it comes down to is I LOVE doing coaching.
Brian: Well what is it about coaching that makes you feel so good?
Client: We'll I love it when I see the person smile …

You see Tom, now we have got something. So I'd start by saying right from here you're life direction is simply to put a smile on other peoples faces. Now that person has that simple goal, which are derived from their values then all the goals they generate from that will actually be acheived.

The gaols that are not really aligned with that like "being the best" .. rather than "doing his best" is more congruent with his belief system

You have got to have it so it's drilled down from your values.

My whole thing is about you have to have a life worth living. And to make your life worth living you have to turn into "What is important for you?, What matter's most for you?"

And that really is in simple translation, whatever makes you feel good more often and more of the time.

Tom: Yes, I totally agree,

TOM:

As someone who has worked with many many clients and trained thousands of people what role does the unconscious mind play in achieving one's goal and or blocking oneself from achieving the things that one wants?

You've got to find out what makes you feel better more often and more of the time. That is the emotional mind, the behavioural mind, the driver mind.

That is the mind that is pushing you with where you need to go. So if that mind is out of sync whether you are aware of it or not consciously it will direct you somewhere else. So ultimately we are doing what we want to do .. human beings tend to do what they want to do .. putting aside the Machiavellian things .. human being would do what they want to do all of the time if they could get away with it. But the reality is, just taking the assumption that the average human being is a good person, the emotional mind is driving that behaviour all the ways through to fulfilment.

The reasons for the stops, interruptions, lack of commitment, the reasons for the lack of motivation or the lack of achievement etc is the emotional mind is mis-aligned. The conscious mind is trying to interfere with it, trying to redirect it and the emotional mind is trying to get it back. The biggest conflicts human beings have are the conscious, subconscious conflicts. The emotional mind fighting the conscious mind and that is where habits come to the fore. That' is when someone can't get into the habit of something the emotional mind is saying "no way" I want to do something different

That's when if you go back into the emotional mind to do it's job to do what it needs to in a healthy and supportive way then all the systems are all aligned up. I think Richard Bandler calls it "Keeping your ducks lined up in a row".

TOM:

And is there any brief way that you can explain that people can begin that process?

BRIAN:

Yes there is, from a very simple way from and NLP perspective is to do the logical levels. The logical levels will give you a good indication of what's important for you. Doing this you will go through each of the systems that need to be addressed. Indeed allot of my products do the alignment process.  But kick off with the basic question….

What is the most important things to happen?

At the end of your day, or life what is it you want to achieve and in doing so would do not harm to others (as Richard would say).

And what will that do if you achieve it?

And really what you are going after is what is your true purpose in life.

So to start that begin with asking yourself "What is it that makes you feel better more often and more of the time?"

Make sure you put in the loop that no one will be harmed by it so that other

So that every thought, every act is aligned up with that and you will begin to feel good.

When you see people balanced and centered they have got the emotional stuff sorted.

So I wanted to answer what is it that I actually want? This DVD set is about helping others do that for their life. It is easy to throw out the question "What is your true purpose in life?" and I found I had a big blank picture for that one .. I had no clue and no idea … and guess what your aveerage Joe soap doesn't have a clue and even your advanced Joe soap very often doesn't have a clue either.

But there is a process that is worth going through to do that and this DVD set is all about doing that. Go back to the simple basis of what makes you feel better, more often and more of the time. And that is what your life purpose is about.

If you really go to the core of that .. you will really bring back the nature of the human being who love the world and working form that basis you can have whatever you want.

Tom:
Yes, I think there is a deep need for that. Alot of people who have lots of things or toys or have achieved things but aren't really happy and they don't know why.

Brian:
And that is it in a nutshell .. you need to find out the why behind that. Alot of people in NLP get lost in this idea that you're not supposed to ask why questions. You are supposed to ask that question as a starting point .. Because the Why reveals the values which reveals what matters most and will put you on the right track.

It is not useful to ask "Why am I felling so bad?" but rather questions like "Why am I here?" which leads you to a what you are her for and how you can get on with that.

Rest of your life is about tapping you into a level about what is important for your life. That's the kick off point. I designed that in a way .. to put you in a deep state of relaxation first .. and during the relaxing process go through a process to creating inner alignement.

The idea being to make what is unconscious .. conscious so you can direct and control over it .. like hidden desires.

TOM:

If you have the right intentions it's a brilliant tool.

If you have the wrong intention it will turn you into a right asshole and there is enough NLP assholes out there to prove that!

Tom: [laughing] … thanks Brian for sharing your great thoughts. For people who want to find out more about Brian and to purchase any of the products he mentioned simply click here. Also stay tuned for a review of Happy Daze in the coming fortnight.