Most of us who have had any formal training in NLP typically learnt NLP in a therapeutic context meaning how to apply NLP to change work.
Perhaps you learnt how to do the fast phobia cure or change personal history or one of many number of NLP techniques.

Yet the techniques are not the key to success with NLP!

Don’t believe me. Then answer me this – have you ever had the experience of running a technique with a client or friend and it didn't’t work or work as well as you had expected?

Of course you have. Does this mean NLP doesn’t work? Not at all. It works marvelously and is an incredibly powerful set of tools and attitudes to creating change with others. So the question then is “why didn’t the technique work?”

Simply put – there is a lot more to NLP that running a technique with a client. Perhaps you've been frustrated before when a technique didn't work or think this NLP stuff doesn't work so let me go find something else. Hold up.

The following are ten common change making traps that when you understand them and remove these common habits from your NLP work your skill and effectiveness with clients will increase remarkably. If you work with clients or are a "friends and family" change agent run through each of the following traps to identify which one you have made or make repeatedly so you can remove that pattern from your elegant change work in the future.

Trap 1: Jumping to conclusions

A common mistake made by new NLPers high on techniques and the training room euphoria is to want to try out a change technique such as the fast phobia as soon as they hear "fear". We have all been guilty at times of mis-understanding what the clients problem is and as quick as one can say "jack flash!" we are already inside our heads thinking "right which technique can I use?"

Remedy: 

Trap 2: Avoid Projection

NLP is the study of the structure of subjective experience. When you are working with clients you bring with you your own mental maps and processes. As change agents we often times forget that we are using our own processes and structure and projecting our own stuff onto our clients.

Robert Dilts in his great book "Beliefs Pathways to Health and Wellbeing" tells of a story of a psychoanalyst who believed that a fish in your dreams was the root to all problems. So the story goes that the psycoanalyst whenever working with a client would go "so tell me about your dreams" and the client would start talking and the psycoanalyst would interrupt and go "were there any fish in your dreams?" and the client would go "no" and the analyst would go "are you sure, were there any puddles?" and the client would go "I don't think so .. I was walking down a street" .. and the analyst would go "ahh and was their any restaurants on this street?" to which the reply was "no" .. to which the analyst would quickly reply "but there could of been, yes?" .. (client) "perhaps, I suppose" … (analyst) "and was the restaurant serving fish?" … (client) "I suppose it's possible" … to which the psycoanalyst would respond "ah ha! .. you have the fish in your dreams!"

Remedy:

Avoid projecting your own stuff on to your clients and be aware of your have your own processes that are filtering what your are perceiving from your clients. Look for sensory based evidence that what you think is there is there. No fish in the dreams please!

Trap 3: Lacking Ownership

Not every client who walks into your office or whom asks for your help wants to change. Discover up front who really wants the change. Is the client motivated to change because they want it for themselves or is it becuase someone else like a family member wants it for them. In order for a change to last, in my experience it has been the case that it's important that the client wants the change for themselves and not becuase someone else wants it for them. Sure you can create a change for them and "programme" their neurology to respond in a new way but bottom line is if they decide in the future somebody else wanted the change or you "whizzed" them as some clients have asked me to do for them then in effect they are asking you to be responsible for their change. Don't accept that.

Remedy:

Test to confirm your client wants the change for themselves and are self-motivated to create the change they want for their life. If a client comes to you and wants you to make the change for them with no ownership to do any assignements you provide or unwilling to follow your instructions when doing "visualisation" exercises as some of my clients have miscalled it then give them a reality check before you proceed. Ownership at some level by them is important.

Trap 4: Poor "brian juice"

John LaValle is well known for talking about getting the "brain juice" right before you work with clients. He's a master at elicting whatever state is necessary and shows incredible flexibility whenever I have seen him train. All NLPers who are change agents need to be able to elicit "good brain juice" as John calls it with their clients.

Your body is your instrument and as the change agent it is your job to ensure you clients mind and body are primed for the change. The exact same technique can be run with a client who is in the powerful positive state and the change work perfectly vs. a client who simply is in a crap state and so the change work crashes and burns.

Remedy:

Whenever you are working with a client ask yourself, is the brain chemistry right? Is the person in the right kind of state to make this change possible.Only when the brain chemistry is right should you attempt any change work. Remember you may need to run the client through several states .. each intense in their own right .. when creating any change. Be flexible. 

Trap 5: No behavioural outcomes established

As an NLPer you've no doubt come across the Well Formed Outcome Pattern, the cornerstone of any good change work. The first thing to establish when working with any client is "What do you want?"

Many change agents even when they ask this question accept their clients "what I don't want" responses. Do you?

For example a client a little while back came to me and when asked "what do you want?" responded by saying "I don't want to feel terrible anymore. I feel guilty and am anxious all the time." Before he continued anymore I pattern interrupted him by breaking rapport with him and then said "So you want to feel terrible yes?" to which he went "No" .. "Then what specifically new ways to do want to behave in your life?"

Remedy:

While there is a lot more things you need to establish early on in the outcome ellicatation phase it's important that you tie your clients down to what they do want and don't mind read into imaging what they want. Have them express their new way of being in postive behavioural specific terms. It is easy to get lost inside a your own map thinking and assuming you know what they want (and indeed in some cases it is your job I believe to shape a way of being that would be beneficial to their life) however when you are working with clients it's key that you don't get lost in their non sensory descript language about what they don't want.

Part 2 .. Coming Soon

In part 2 of this post I'm going to look at five more common traps for all great change agents to overcome. Stay tuned and if you haven't already done so please sign up to the newsletter (upper left corner of the site) so you can get a reminder on all new postings we create on the site.